Stressful Adventures of Sabrina

Part 3 of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina dropped on Netflix last Friday and it was so good I watched it in less than 24 hours. I love this show so much. But that’s not even why we’re here today. I’m not even going to hold you that long.

Sabrina gets on my damn nerves. Every problem she has is something she caused herself. She is viewed as a hero because she always saves the day. But if she would listen to her aunts, other adults, or even her friends with common sense, the world wouldn’t always be on the brink of apocalypse. The season begins with her fixing something she started, ends the same way, and it’s a whole lot of her causing problems all up and through the episodes.

So while I love this show so much, somebody put Sabrina in timeout or ground her. I am tired!

Because EVIL is Good!

Hopefully you are also a fan of one of my favorite movies, Vampire in Brooklyn, in order to get today’s corny blog title. Yes, I am aware that Vampire in Brooklyn is no Oscar-worthy masterpiece – but it is a classic TO ME! But that’s not why we’re here.

When CBS announced its new show Evil, starring Luke Cage himself Mike Colter, of course I was excited to add another supernatural show to my weekly TV schedule. The show is about Kristen Bouchard, a forensic psychologist hired by Mike Colter’s character, David Acosta, to help determine if a case is supernatural or not. David is a priest in training and Kristen is not religious at all but she finds her non-beliefs tested every episode. Throughout the season we have seen cases of possible demonic possession, potential prophets, a stabbing, a psycho abusive nurse, possessed virtual reality goggles, a prophet, and in the seasons penultimate episode we see the actual devil. It’s a lot.

Evil is kind of all over the place but for some reason I enjoy it regardless. For this season to end at 13 episodes this week, so much has happened. The character development is moving really quickly but it is still easy to follow along. We have been introduced to so many different plot twists that I am not sure they will all be able to wrap up on Thursday’s episode. Evil is creepy but also a procedural type drama as well. Most times you think something supernatural is happening and then Kristen is able to explain it away with psychology. But there is always something lingering in the background…something letting you know that maybe everything can’t be explained away.

I am certainly excited to see how this season wraps up on Thursday’s finale. Evil has already been renewed for season 2 and will return in the fall.

New Year - New Scares: The Grudge

Happy New Year, positive vibrations, and all those good things! I know it’s been a while- I was out here island hopping and such for the holidays. But in 2020 I promise to bring you more posts about all things horror!

I saw my first horror movie of the year this weekend- The Grudge. I remember seeing the ones from the early 2000s and thinking that they were cool, but I wasn’t pressed to watch them over and over again like I do other movies. So I was a little apprehensive about going to see this new one, but you know I never pass up an opportunity to see a horror movie!

 The film begins in Tokyo in 2004, the same timeframe as the original Grudge movie. Fiona Landers is working a job there and decides she is too creeped out and wants to return home to her family in Pennsylvania. The movie then jumps to 2006 to introduce us to Detective Muldoon, a widowed mother, and her new partner, Det. Goodman. After that the movie jumps between 2004, 2005, and 2006 so much that you will get dizzy if you’re not paying close attention. In this timeframe we ae introduced to everyone who will be affected by the curse: The married realtors who tried to sell the Flanders home before they died, an elderly couple that move into the house the next year, Detective Goodman’s partner who worked the original case, and a nurse that visited the elderly couple. The time hop throughout the movie shows how the curse affects everyone who has entered the house but can be a bit confusing at times. By the end of the movie, you will see how everyone is connected, but the back and forth of the years wasn’t really necessary. There are so many characters and we have to learn about every single back story so we can create an emotional connection (I guess that’s what the writers were trying to do) that it becomes really overwhelming. There are so many people we have to care about that it makes you wonder if Detective Muldoon is really the main focus of this movie.

The Grudge is definitely suspenseful but a lot of the jump scares don’t work. There are lots of shadows in the background and things that pop out at you but the movie only really gets intense in the last 20 minutes. Detective Muldoon thinks she has figured out a way to save everyone – burn down this cursed house! As the viewer you know this won’t work because clearly the curse followed Fiona from Japan but ok white woman burn your little house down I guess. My cousin made a hilarious point that made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe. The house is located at 44 Reyburn Drive. According to my cousin, from the beginning they were telling us, “she rey burn this house down.” I cried y’all.

Overall, this movie was not horrible. I don’t think it was a good idea to have the movie jump between the years and involve so many different characters. The movie is only 94 minutes long and there are almost a dozen characters we have to see individual storylines for. The cliffhanger ending leads me to believe there could be a sequel. I’m good luv, enjoy.  

Halloween & Haunted Jails

Everyone knows that I love all things spooky. However, I always said I would never ever ever go to Eastern State Penitentiary because I don’t play with things that are haunted for real. I’m not the typical black person in a scary movie because I wouldn’t be in the movie to begin with! But my friend convinced me to go so I had to swallow my fears and tackle Terror Behind the Walls - the haunted attraction at the penitentiary.

Eastern State Penitentiary was an operational prison from 1829 to 1971. When it was built, it was the largest and most expensive public structure in the country and once housed Al Capone. The jail is reportedly haunted and every Halloween season they host “Terror Behind the Walls.” The jail is located in Philadelphia and is truly beautiful to see. It towers over the street and looks amazingly creepy.

My friends and I drove to Philly a little early and got some cheesesteaks because you don’t go to Philly and not eat cheesesteaks! We then hit the bar and took shots of Jameson because we needed liquid courage before being scared out of our minds obviously.

As you stand in the ridiculously long line to enter the jail they have actors outside that pop up on you to scare you. But my friends are thugs and we’re from Baltimore so we were fine. Anywhoo- we finally get closer to the front of the line and the anxiety starts to kick in. I really love all things spooky but I’m going to be honest with y’all- I’m a punk as well! Loving to be scared as much as I do could probably be best described as a mental illness. I watch scary movies with the lights on and haunted houses always have me grabbing my friends extra tight.

When you first enter the jail you have to sign a crazy long waiver that basically says “Hey, this place is literally falling apart so if you get hurt that’s on you playa.” Terror Behind the Walls is made up of 6 attractions: Lock Down, Machine Shop, Infirmary, Blood Yard, Quarantine 4D, and Break Out. When you enter the jail you have the option of choosing the interactive experience which means the actors can touch you and you can be snatched away from your group. We all said absolutely tf not. No way! So if you choose not to participate you go right instead of left. My cousin led the group and turns left for the interactive experience. We were all looking at her with extreme confusion and she basically told us to come on and stop being soft!

Out of all the attractions, the Infirmary was the scariest to me. It was gory and creepy. Random fact about me: I hate the sound of chainsaws. They really creep me out. What happened in the Infirmary? Chainsaws of course! There were 6 of us. Imagine being afraid and trying to link arms with 5 other people. I’m sure we looked absolutely ridiculous but we were trying so hard not to get separated from each other. That didn’t work out because my friend got snatched down a hallway and I tried to save her and let me tell you- I will never be a hero again! We went down a hallway that had these inflatable walls. You couldn’t see anything in front of you- you just had to push through the walls until you made it out. Whew Chilè. My claustrophobia was on level 1000.

I really enjoyed all of the attractions. The experience was so much fun and it ends in a courtyard with bars to help with your anxiety after being scared for about 45-60 minutes. It was the perfect way to kick off Halloween!

What are your spooky plans for All Hallows’ Eve?

A Clown Scarier Than Your Ex!

Once again... better late than never!

Now before we begin this review, I would like to discuss my black ass experience going to see It Chapter Two. After all, this blog is called Black Girl Horror for a reason.

So I pop up at my local black theater on a Thursday afternoon. The theater was surprisingly full for an 11:50 am screening. I guess everyone decided to get like me and take a mental health day. Now we all know whatever time the movie is supposed to start is really just the beginning of the trailers. So 10 minutes go by and no trailers. No one else seems to be bothered by this but I’m getting antsy seeing as how the movie is nearly 3 hours long. So an additional 10 minutes go by and I’ve had enough. I go find a staff member and tell him what’s going on and his response was, “Well are you in the right theater?” A valid question because one time I did sit in the wrong theater. However. Today was not that day. So he follows me to the theater and was like oh yea you’re right. Sir I know! So he radios for an explanation and they say there’s a delay. How much y’all willing to be the projector man was taking shots of Ciroc upstairs and forgot to press play? They then proceeded to play a good 25 minutes of trailers. Almost an hour later... I finally got to see the movie *cheers and screams*

Now for the real reason you are here!

At almost 3 hours long, It Chapter 2 has lots and lots of time to be scary af. The sequel to 2017’s It picks up 27 years later. Everyone except Mike has left Derry, Maine. But when the murders start happening again Mike has to call in the Loser’s Club to finish what they started all those years ago.

I loved how the movie used flashbacks from what happened 27 years ago after the first chapter ended to show how all of the characters split and ended up where they are now. Something about leaving Derry makes you forget where you came from so Mike forces everyone to remember what happened before to make them strong enough to take on Pennywise. It’s nice to see that mostly everyone is leading very successful lives despite their childhood trauma. Unfortunately for Beverly, she married a man just like her abusive father- but I was so happy to see her escape him in her return to Derry.

A lot of people have said they found this movie scarier than the first. I find them equally scary but I love how this movie wrapped up the story. We learn more about the origins of Pennywise plus we find out how the Losers Club split not too long after defeating him the first time. While the movie wasn’t a happy ending for everyone, I was happiest about Beverly and Ben riding off into the sunset together. That brought me joy.

As always, feel free to share your thoughts below!

Scary Stories to Tell With the Lights on Cuz I’m Scared

If you’re like me, you grew up excited to go to the Scholastic Book Fair at school. I was always extra excited to go because for me, that meant new Goosebumps books. My love for all things scary began at a very young age. When I found out that another childhood favorite book, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark was going to become a movie I was thrilled.

The movie adaption combines some of the most popular stories in the book such as “Harold” and “The Red Spot” and weaves them into one story. The movie is set in 1968 and begins on Halloween. Friends Stella, Auggie, Chuck, Ramon, and Ruth end up in their local haunted house after running from bullies. The house belonged to the Bellows family, whose daughter Sarah was said to have murdered children in the town many years prior. After leaving the house and stealing Sarah’s book of stories, things get extra spooky. Stella and her friends quickly learn that the stories are writing themselves and they are the main characters.

Something to keep in mind is that even though we read these stories as kids, we’re grown now. And this is essentially a movie for kids. So some moments can seem kind of cheesy. It is, after all, rated PG-13. However, despite that is is still a very solid movie. The scares are genuine and the movie has a great plot. I’m sure it was hard to weave these different stand alone stories together to make one screenplay and add character depth but I think the writers did a good job.

Based on the ending it seems we will certainly get a sequel. I’m interested in seeing how they will be able to continue this storyline while bringing more scary stories to life.

Which story from the books was your favorite as a kid? Drop a comment and let me know!

Hey Ma, What's Up?

Been gone for a minute but I’m back with the jump off. 

Hey guys! I know it’s been a little while- I was out here traveling the world and spreading this black girl magic across Caribbean islands. But you know I couldn’t stay away from my love of horror! As soon as I came back I headed to the theaters to see Ma. It was interesting. Let’s discuss.

Ma tells the story of Maggie and her friends, high school kids who need to find an adult to buy them alcohol. That’s where Ma (played brilliantly by Octavia Spencer. She is a beast!) comes in. She is nice enough to buy the kids liquor AND give them a safe space to drink so they don’t run around town drinking and driving. What follows next is pure crazy. Ma becomes a super stalker, adding all of the kids on social media and popping up at school with a case of liquor. Her house becomes the party house for all of the kids and when Maggie and her friends start to get creeped out by Ma and want to keep their distance her crazy goes into overdrive.

I think my main issue with this movie is all of the different plot twists that the writers tried to add. It was like playing connect the dots. First, we realize that Maggie and her boyfriend’s parents went to school with Ma. They were involved in some horrible prank that scarred Ma forever. We also learn that a girl we see for literally 5 seconds at the beginning of the movie is Ma’s daughter that she keeps locked away in the house because Ma has Munchausen Syndrome by proxy. Like, why? What does that have to do with her being teased in high school?

There is also minor character development with Maggie and her mom. You enjoy their relationship and you know that they have moved back home due to her mom’s divorce but that’s about it. Ma explores so many topics and character plot points but then kind of lets them fall flat.

Something that I found interesting was the way they wanted to touch on racism but never completely made it all the way there. Ma holds a gun early on in the movie and makes a joke saying, “What y’all think I’m Madea?” I found that extra funny just because the point being made is that Madea is such a stereotypical black character. But don’t get me started on my Tyler Perry and black stereotype tangent. We would be here all day. Also, at the end of the movie, Ma paints the only black kid’s face white. She even says, ‘There is only room for one of us.” I feel like if there was going to be so many racial undertones in the movie then it should have been explored a little deeper. Instead, the jokes and odd comments felt uncomfortable and out of place.

I did enjoy Ma. The word I keep using when people ask how I feel is “interesting.” The storyline was interesting. It reminded you of different movies you have seen before like Carrie and Misery… but then had its own personal twist. Octavia Spencer truly saved the movie because of how WELL she played crazy. If it wasn’t for her I would have probably hated the movie but she really kept the movie exciting. The ending was also so strange. She lets everyone escape just to go upstairs, lay in bed, and die in the fire? Weird. Just weird. So like I said, the movie was interesting. Just…interesting.

For Us By Us: Jordan Peele is Back to Scare Everybody

When Jordan Peele chopped and screwed “I Got 5 On It” we should’ve known we were in for a wild ride. 

I was able to attend an advance screening of Us and it was the highlight of my week. It was such a black experience that there was almost a fight in the line. I love us for real. 

Us is a movie about a black family visiting their summer home in Santa Cruz. What they think is a relaxing getaway quickly turns into a fight for their lives. The family quickly learns that there are alternate versions of themselves called the tethered. These doppelgängers are animalistic and creepy and super strong. 

Jordan Peele made it a point to cast a dark skinned family to show representation in this movie. Lupita Nyong’o and Winston Duke have a great chemistry as they are great friends in real life. I haven’t seen too many of her movies before Black Panther but watching her play the roles of Adelaide and Red I quickly saw why she won an Oscar. Lupita’s acting really carries the movie through some points where there are plot holes. Now with keeping Get Out in mind I am sure there are certain political details that I might not have caught the first time around. But this movie does leave you with a lot more questions than answers. What are The Tethered supposed to represent? I am sure there is a reason why when asked “What are you?” Red replies “we are Americans.” To me that was a reference to MAGA jerks. The Tethered plan to make a huge demonstration and come up from the darkness underground and show America that they have been in control the whole time. This can be a correlation to how in today’s society the MAGA jerks now feel like they have power and control because their leader is in office so they are rising up and public displays of racism are more prevalent than ever. 

Another question I was left with was who created The Tethered? How long have they been around? If humans created them to control the general population when did this began? How did they connect them? Via DNA? They cloned their soul? How?

Now even though I do have so many questions about Us, I absolutely enjoyed it. It was so suspenseful. No fake jump scares- just true horror that played with you mentally and had you looking over your shoulder as you left the movie. It had the right amount of humor mixed in that lightened the mood when you got too scared. The acting was incredible. Once we discovered that Adelaide traded places with Red when she was lost in the amusement park you still wanted her to win because ... well she made it this far and was able to lead a normal life- why not let her win? 

Let’s also talk about Jeremiah 11:11. This is what the homeless man on the beach has written on his sign. The number also appears hidden in different scenes, like on the top of the ambulance at the end of the movie. “Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them.” Could this refer to how The Tethered have been treated as the underclass all this time and now they will rise up? 

I loved the originality of this movie. It was really unlike anything we had ever seen and the plot was very different. 

I feel like we deserve a sequel to this movie to find out what happens next. Please and thanks Jordan. 

What were your thoughts on Us? Did you have as many unanswered questions as me? I definitely plan to go see this movie again. I saw Get Out in theaters twice because I enjoyed it so much and I feel the same way about this movie. 

The Prodigy: Don't Ask me to Babysit Your Possessed Kid. Thanks.

From the moment the movie started with that creepy ass humming, I knew I was in for a good time. The Prodigy’s tagline is “What’s Wrong With Miles?” and when you find out it will make you look at your own kid a little sideways. 

When Miles was being born into this world, states away, the police shot down a serial killer. The serial killer’s soul then goes until Miles’ body. Sarah and John (the happy parents who wanted a baby for so long) notice nothing except how advanced and intelligent he is until Miles turns 8. Then things get a little spooky. 

Now that Miles is 8, the serial killer is trying to push through and take over as the lone soul inside his body, pushing away the Miles they know and love. 

I really enjoyed this movie because I thought it had a different twist. Reincarnation? I did not see that coming from the trailer. I am a sucker for a plot twist. This reminds me of Orphan! Did you think she was really a 30 year old woman? Exactly. The Prodigy did not rely on jump scares too much- the movie was really all psychological and major WTF moments. However I did scream LOUDLY in the theater when Sarah is dreaming and Miles runs to her and he magically turns into the grown man serial killer. That caught me off guard. I was embarrassed I screamed that loud but things happen right?

I think a big debate that people have about this movie is the reaction of the parents. Sarah is super concerned and goes to extreme lengths (more on that in a second) to save her son. Meanwhile John is like nah sis he is crazy and he needs to go NEOWWWW! I’m with John. When Miles bashed the little boys head in at school it would have been a wrap for me. Probably would have been a wrap when he tried to kill the babysitter. But when he killed the family pet I would have sat him outside on the porch while we waited for the Po-Po. I see a lot of people siding with Sarah and the lengths she took to save the kid. I can’t say I would have been that dedicated. Your kid is possessed by a serial killer. How you think this fitna end?

This leads me to my main issue with this movie. Sarah thought that in order to save her kid she had to kill the woman that escaped the serial killer? Girl if you don’t GET TF! Why would you assume that is his ONLY unfinished business? Maybe his unfinished business was to kill 10 more women. What would you do then sis? I bet Sarah was apart of the 53%. You know what I mean?

My favorite part of this movie was the showdown with the therapist. It was super creepy how the serial killer was legit smart enough to take those drugs from the medicine cabinet and do other things to frame him. 

I told all of my friends to go see this movie. I really enjoyed it and it held my attention. What were your thoughts on this creepy ass kid?

Glass: The Only Time We Get to See Black Crack?

20 years later we got the completion to a trilogy we never knew we needed. Glass picks up where Split left off. We learn what happened to David Dunn after he accepted he was a superhero- he has spent all these years seeking vigilante justice with his son by his side. Determined to catch the beast, he embarks on a mission to catch him and save his new hostages. In the midst of their battle he gets captured by Ellie Staple, a doctor who wants to work with them and the infamous Mr. Glass to cure them of the delusion of them being superheroes. 

This movie kept me on the edge of my seat pretty much the whole time. Not much about it was predictable, especially the ending. *Spoiler alert* I certainly did not expect all of them to die. I was so angry for a good two minutes. But then I realized it had to happen in order for Mr. Glass to win. And what’s better than a black man coming out on top?

My anger really came from the fact that we waited almost twenty years for this conclusion to have David Dunn die. I was so devastated. Of course the beast had to die. Mr. Glass? I guess. But David Dunn Lawd?! I felt like Jada Pinkett Smith when she fell out in Kingdom Come! 

I also was really disappointed in the final showdown. I was so hyped up for this big battle to take place on Philly's tallest building and wow... it takes place in a parking lot. It’s like wanting Popeyes but you get a chicken box instead. The chicken is still really good but it’s not the taste you had in mind. You get me?

Overall I really enjoyed Glass. I know this movie is supposed to be a trilogy but I would love to see how the secret society falls after the world finds out about superheroes. 

What were your thoughts about Glass?

Escape Room Advanced Screening

Last week, Black Girl Horror attended an advance screening of Escape Room. The movie is based around the typical Escape Room that most of us have gone to in our local city with our friends and worked hard to break out of. But soon the 6 characters learn that this Escape Room is unlike any other they have ever seen. 

This movie really stressed me out. Do you know how hard it is to do an escape room with people you actually know and are supposed to trust? Imagine having to actually have your life or death depend on total strangers. This movie was intense from beginning to end. 

Another great bonus of this movie is we get to see Jay Ellis with no shirt on. That is a spoiler alert worth sharing!

I definitely recommend going to see Escape Room when it releases on January 4. It will make you think long and hard about your next visit to one. 

Who is STILL Buying Creepy Dolls?!

So I normally don’t do movies with subtitles. I know that sounds childish but that takes a lot of concentration and I don’t really be here for it. But Netflix kept flashing some movie named Sabrina across my screen and I was intrigued. I watched the trailer and I was scared so I broke my subtitle rule and gave this a chance and it gave ME an anxiety attack. 

Sabrina is a part of a series of movies called The Doll. I didn’t watch the other movies and you don’t need to either to understand this one. Maira and Aiden adopt Vanya, Aiden’s niece, after her parents die. Vanya is having a hard time adapting to her new life and she really misses her mother. A kid at school teaches her a game called “Charlie Charlie” and once she plays the game by herself at home things get real. 

This movie was seriously creepy. There weren’t even a lot of jump scares- it was just all scary. Like the movie started with a possessed woman stuck to the side of a house. I was like “Wow ok-this is what we doing.” The acting in the movie wasn’t that great. Despite the movie being in a different language, the emotions seemed phony and forced. But some of the best movies on Netflix have the worst acting so I got past that. 

I will say that my issue with movies with plots like this is why don’t people ever get mad at the kid? If MY child summoned a demon I would seriously consider giving it up because who raised you? Whew Chile couldn’t be me. I can’t sleep comfortably at night wondering if you’re about to bring on the apocalypse. You gotta go baby sis. Nice knowing you. 

Sabrina wasn’t the best horror film of the year. It’s not even in the running. But it was fun to watch and a good quick scare. Give it a chance and let me know your thoughts in the comments! 

Light as a Feather- High School Just Got Creepier

I am all for a teen scare. The Craft. Sabrina. Are You Afraid of the Dark. Goosebumps. All that jazz. So when one of my friends recommended Light as a Feather, I was down to give it a try. 

Light as a Feather is a Hulu series about 4 high school friends who play the Light as a Feather game with a weird new girl at their school on Halloween. The game has a twist though where said new girl predicts the death of the player whose turn it is. The girls think nothing of it until their first friend dies in the exact manner predicted. 

This show was definitely creepier and gorier than I anticipated for a teen horror. It had a really great plot and kept me up all night, determined to binge watch and finish it because it was so good. The show does a good job of character building so that we actually care what happens to these girls. You root for McKenna because she recently lost her twin sister and her dad left her and her mom alone. You root for Alex because you want her to overcome this drug addiction. You root for Candace because when Tyler Perry put her in Acrimony she had a bad wig (I mean this is off topic but Tyler Perry always gotta have someone in a bad wig!) The character development really keeps you interested and makes you hopeful that McKenna and Alex don’t succumb to the same fate as their friends. 

The casting director deserves kudos because whoever decided Haley Ramm should be Violet is really good at their job. She did really well at portraying the weird, clingy new girl who creeped everyone out. I was sick of looking at her halfway through the season because her whole demeanor was so creepy. 

I think the only issue I had with this show is the ending. It started to feel somewhat rushed in the last two episodes- trying to wrap the storyline up. I feel like we didn’t get a clear understanding of the curse but maybe this was supposed to be added to the cliffhanger so we would be hype for season 2. The ending definitely left room for a second season because we all thought the danger was over and here goes McKenna with the nasty stuff growing out of her back. What we do learn is the curse basically makes 5 people play the game and the survivor keeps playing to stay alive. That’s cool and all but I wanted more of an explanation. What does the random key go to? How did Violet learn all of this? Of course the show takes a supernatural turn but as y’all know I love to say, “make it make sense my loves.”

Hopefully Hulu brings this show back ASAP so we can get more answers. 

This is the Remix: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Switches it Up

Let’s be clear: All of these reboots have been getting on my nerves lately. Nothing is original and I am FED UP! So when I heard Netflix was doing a new version of one of my childhood faves, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, I was annoyed. But THEN I saw the trailer! And I just knew this was going to be MAGIC!

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is a new twist to the Sabrina us 90’s babies remember. Executive produced by the same people who bring us Riverdale, this version was made to resemble a 2014 Archie comic instead of the Melissa Joan Hart version. It is also similar to The CW’s Riverdale, where the show takes a much darker twist than the comics. (BTW I love Riverdale and really need to get caught up on this latest season).

For this to be a teenage drama, the suspense and scares were still there. All of your favorite characters return plus many more new ones. As one of my friends said, “Kendra, if Salem doesn’t talk then I’m not watching!” And I felt the same too because Salem was a boss. But even though we get maybe 3 words from Salem the entire season, I still enjoyed it. 

Sabrina is about to turn 16 on Halloween and unlike the version we’re used to, she already knows she is a witch but it’s time for her dark baptism so she can come into her full powers and sign the “Book of the Beast.” Since Sabrina is a half witch, she’s conflicted between her life with her human friends and her responsibilities to her coven. I really enjoyed watching her conflict between her two worlds really tear at her as the season progressed. She would literally have to leave all of her friends and her boyfriend behind to completely submerge herself into the world of witches. 

I really enjoyed #CAOS. Let’s touch on a few things here:

-Did they ever say how Ambrose was related to Sabrina and dem? Like what did I miss? Who is the other sibling?

-Oh so y’all trynna be scary scary?

-THIS is what I meant about incorporating the #metoo movement and transgender rights properly! No overkill. Written really well. Pay attention Charmed writers. Make it make sense my loves!
-Why didn’t Sabrina listen? Like girl we wouldn't be raising the dead and trying to stop them from vomiting dirt if you listened in the first place.
-Can I get finger waves like Prudence? Or would I look crazy?
-Sabrina had really great friends. I wouldn’t want to leave them either. 
-Lady Blackwood is so crazy over this man who isn’t even cute. I guess it’s all about his power and money because whew Chile... and he has bastard babies? No thanks!
-Ok Aunt Zelda out here stealing babies. But why didn’t she just lie about which baby was born first? I feel like that would’ve made more sense. 
-Sabrina is so blind to Mrs. Wardwell. How though? She literally transformed into an Instagram model overnight and Sabrina thought it was ok!

I’m so ready for part 2. I absolutely loved this show! 

The Power of 3 Can't Help This Reboot

Listen sis. They did not kill Shannon Doherty off Charmed for this. Prue is rolling over in her grave. When The CW announced they were doing a Charmed reboot, I honestly was not excited. Charmed was my absolute favorite show as a pre-teen. A reboot wasn’t needed. But since it was my favorite show I decided to give it a chance. It was a train wreck. 

I really love the idea that the new Charmed ones are Hispanic (One of them for sure is Afro Latina-even better) but these actresses have absolutely no chemistry with each other. In the original Charmed, you really believed they could’ve been sisters. We didn’t even know Shannon Doherty was acting a fool on set. They had to kill her off the show her behavior was so bad, but on camera they never skipped a beat. You can tell the 2018 Charmed ones are actresses thrown together. Watching them on camera seems like we are watching their very first interaction with each other ever. 

Something that also really bothered me in the premiere episode was how much they shoved down our throats that it’s 2018 and all of the political issues we are facing. That wasn’t what Charmed was about. This episode consistently threw the #MeToo movement in our faces. I’m totally aware of the climate we live in and what issues our country is facing, but the writers tried so hard to make this an issue on the show it  felt forced and unnatural. Where is the magic? Where’s the power of 3? If I wanted to hear this much about the movement I’d watch CNN. WE GET IT. Charmed is about magical sisters not political activists. I understand keeping with the times but the original Charmed never had to remind us it was 1998- we just knew. The art of subtlety is lacking here. In the reboot of Sabrina, (review for this coming soon) that began streaming this weekend, it is definitely clear the women feel more powerful than the 90s version but it’s still clear that they have to bow to the will of men. Charmed writers, Take notes on how to make a statement without saying it over and over again. Show us. Don’t tell us. 
On top of everything else, the special effects on this show are really childish. How did the effects look way better than this in the late 90s? 
I watched the second episode of the show because I tried to look at it like “If the original Charmed didn’t exist would I like this show?” The answer is still no. The lack of chemistry and plot is just to bad to endure week after week. I give up. Bring back the Halliwells. Raise Prue from the dead. Anything is better than this sis. 

Halloween (But Not the Tyler Perry Version)

In today’s episode of “White People do Dumb **** in Scary Movies” I present to you Halloween (2018). The fact that after 40 years, Michael Myers is still out here killing people who are running at full speed while he is doing a smooth pimp stroll is beyond me, but nonetheless, this was one of my most anticipated movies of the year. 

The new Halloween is a “sequel” to the original. We are supposed to forget any movie that came after the original in 1978. We are supposed to forget they said Jamie Lee Curtis was his sister and we are even supposed to forget about Busta Rhymes running from Michael too. Weirdly enough, forgetting all the sequels really worked. This movie picks up 40 years after the Halloween night Michael Myers murdered Laurie Strode’s friends and almost killed her. We learn that life after this night hasn’t been a crystal stair for Laurie. Two podcasters come to interview her and we learn she has two failed marriages and a daughter that doesn’t really bang with her like that. She lives in a heavily guarded house in the woods, waiting for the day Michael comes for her to finish what they started all those years ago. 

Of course after this, lots of murder ensues. Overall, this was a really solid movie. Although it was not extremely scary, it had an excellent plot and a couple of jumps throughout. There was even some comedic relief in the form of little Julian. Julian was legit the smartest character in the movie. Why? Because he knew to get tf low when Michael came in his house. And why did he get low? Because Julian was black and his parents taught him well. Chile, I was so frustrated with all of the other characters just standing around instead of escaping when Michael came for them. For instance, the podcaster trapped in the bathroom had AMPLE opportunity to get low but she sat in that stall holding onto that crowbar like she was about that action. I wanted to throw my phone at the screen. 

I really loved the character development between Laurie, her daughter Karen, and her granddaughter Allyson. We learn that their relationships have not been great over the years but when things go left this family really stuck together. Something else that was important to me in this movie is that it felt genuine. A lot of film and tv reboots try to force it down your throat that we are now in 2018 as opposed to whenever the original came out (hello Charmed reboot). But this felt like we just picked up in Laurie’s life all these years later and we didn’t have to be consistently reminded of how much time had passed. 

This was the perfect October release getting us ready for everyone’s fave holiday. Share your thoughts below!

Same Struggle, Different Day: Tales from the Hood 2 Steps Into the Present

Tales from the Hood is one of my favorite scary movies (I know- I say this a lot. But my scary movies are ranked in different categories. Leave me alone sis). If you are unfamiliar with this classic 90s anthology movie I suggest you check it out. The movie, executive produced by Spike Lee, discussed issues plaguing the African American community (police brutality, gang culture, etc.) and turned them into horror stories. This concept is also what I believe made Get Out so popular- real issues dramatized and turned into our greatest fears as African Americans. The stories in that movie all resonated with me. Even at a young age I understood the powerful messages behind the short stories. So imagine my delight when one of my friends sent me a link to the poster for Tales from the Hood 2! I couldn’t believe it! The sequel is executive produced by Spike Lee, just like the original, and follows the same theme- a storyteller walking characters through different stories with a message. 

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. Keith David was the perfect casting choice for the new storyteller. He really can play any role, from New-New’s dad to Pastor Greenleaf, he is one of my faves. The stories definitely resonated with today’s trying times. Of course the character he is telling the stories to, Dumass Beach (I really loved this play on words. Perfect!) basically embodies all the MAGA hatred that is going on in this country. This movie touched on so many important issues such as African Americans in politics voting against their own people, allowing other races to belittle our culture and appropriate it, rebuilding the black community, and so much more. I would say the one story that I felt was a little forced was the vampire tale. Of course this one was necessary to speak to the #MeToo movement but the story felt very forced. However, it was still very important to mention this super important movement that is all over the headlines. The original and the sequel really did a perfect job of taking stories from the headlines and from within our community and showing the viewer that there really is horror within the truth. Basically, it’s a movie about Kanye. But I digress.

Although this sequel came 22 years later, it did not disappoint. Watch it on Netflix and share your thoughts! 

Hulu's "The Body" Does Not Disappoint

I was so excited when I learned that Blumhouse and Hulu were teaming up to create Into the Dark. Into the Dark is a monthly anthology film series that will feature a new scary movie every month, for 12 months, based on a holiday that falls in that month. First up- “The Body.”

“The Body” tells the story of a hitman who has to transport a body in a short amount of time on Halloween night. Of course he blends in with the crowd and everyone thinks he has the coolest costume... until it gets real and they realize this is far from a Party City prop. 

I really enjoyed this film. It kept me intrigued with lots of action. Typically I do not care for a lot of gore in my horror movies but this one did not overdo it. Even though you are basically thrust into this story after the murder has taken place, you never feel lost or confused about what is going on. The story has comedic relief throughout provided by the random group of friends who are running from the killer all while trying to save the body and take it to the police for reward money they just imagine they’ll get (because SURPRISE- the dead body is a celebrity)

The ending was a very interesting plot twist that I kinda didn’t see coming. 

Watch on Hulu and give me your feedback below!

Malevolent: Another Netflix Horror Movie...Another Netflix Letdown

Someone recently asked me what I felt about scary movies on Netflix. I paused and thought about this. I told them that there are some hidden gems but for the most part they really suck. I thought Malevolent would be different. So I gave it a chance. 

Malevolent is about two siblings, Jackson and Angela, who run a fake ghost-busting business. Angela has “visions” and they use equipment to trick the client into thinking they are really ridding their homes of evil, only to take their money and run. The movie starts slowly, giving a little back story about how the siblings’ mother committed suicide (she sliced her eyes out because she was having visions). The movie is set in the 1980s (not really sure why- maybe they just wanted to drive a hooptie and wear Cosby sweaters). Although Angela is a “fake” medium, it appears she really is having visions, just like her mother did before she killed herself. The real thrill of the movie comes when Jackson agrees to take on a case at an old, haunted orphanage with a dark history. The owner of the house is super stressed out and lets the Ghostbusters know, “I just want a quiet house.” The house is so creepy and foreboding that this is where I thought to myself, “OK this is getting good!” But then… it didn’t.

Malevolent is a slow movie from start to finish with the characters making really weird choices (there is a scene where a character falls through the floor and breaks his ankle but no one rushes to get him out or call 911). This movie attempts to build up the creepy tension in this old house but completely lets the audience down. To be honest, I fell asleep on this movie and had to re-watch the last 20 minutes. I fell asleep somewhere around when everyone managed to escape and then nonsensically crashed into a ditch. (This is what I mean about Netflix movies. Where’s the logic?) The biggest surprise of the movie is (plot twist) the woman they were supposed to be scamming actually killed the children (now it makes sense that she just wanted a quiet house).

There was a lot of hope for the character development of Jackson and Angela but the writers let us down in that department too. They touch on Angela having visions like her mother but that storyline doesn’t really get us anywhere.

Malevolent started slow, ended slow, and proved my point in the conversation that I had the other day- Netflix can’t seem to make a decent horror movie.

The Nun Review *Spoilers Ahead!*

You know that feeling when you have been craving some super bomb food for a really long time from your favorite place? Then you go to your favorite place and you order it and it’s not good? Like at all? That’s what The Nun was like.

With a tagline that boasts “Witness the darkest chapter in The Conjuring Universe” some big scares were definitely expected. The Nun is a spinoff of 2016’s The Conjuring 2. In that film, Lorraine Warren is haunted by a demon that looks like a nun. This film, set in 1952, is the prequel to The Conjuring movies. After seeing Annabelle Creation last year (one of the scariest movies I have ever seen) I expected way more from The Nun.

Let’s start here- the movie didn’t really have a plot. The Vatican sends a priest (played by Demian Bichir) and a “nun in training” (played by Vera Farmiga’s sister Taissa) to a cloistered abbey in Romania to investigate a nun’s suicide. They are aided by a man from the local village named Frenchie. Frenchie found the body of the nun and Father Burke and Sister Irene use him for information on the history of the abbey. The narrative has lots of holes in the plot. The movie never really explains why the Vatican selected Father Burker and Sister Irene other than they both have troubled pasts. The main story of the movie was really how these two people who are supposed to have the strongest of faith can question God. Sister Irene ends up taking her vows to become a nun during the climax. Their happy ending was their ability to stand firm in their faith after vanquishing (or so they thought) the demon.

The Nun also alters a scene from The Conjuring 2 to show that Frenchie is the possessed man shown during the lecture the Warrens are giving. This seemed like a really forced way to tie these movies together, unlike how they found a way to connect the two Annabelle movies.

 The movie is full of jump scares that make you feel dumb for being scared after you jump. The movie is very dark and has an ominous feel to it. This movie delves the most into religion and spirituality, but mainly to tell the story of the main characters’ test of faith. The Nun is a great example of a movie franchise that should quit while they’re ahead (hello Insidious: The Last Key).

Definitely the darkest chapter in The Conjuring universe. Definitely not the scariest.